Cama Sutra
Love Lessons

Mark Morford in his column at SFgate.com spoke wise words that got a bit of flack from many commentators on Wednesday. Roughly 25 to 30 percent of comments and votes thought he was spouting ‘drivel’ when he suggested making love a lot more in a down economy. Why, because it’s, well, you check: Have Sex for Free!

Curious numbers those 25-30 percent against this idea. These are certainly not the ‘Cultural Creatives’ (Thank you Paul Ray) who aspire, I’m sure, to more ‘Make Love, Not War’ kinds of slogans. Cultural Creatives are supposedly about 25-30% of the population. They like things like organic, ecology, right-livelihood, yoga – you get the picture and I’m sure they would be true believers in having a lot more free sex in down times, or in any times for that matter.

Near the end of his offering Morford states: “Is this all there is to it?” and then: “…God - can something truly innovative and revolutionary be born. You think? I can’t be quite sure. Someone get me some porn and drugs.” Ah, rather than porn, what if the revolution brought us to love, compassion, helpfulness, more love, sex, more sex, expanded consciousness, innovative living and cheaper dates?

Cultural Creatives certainly must be proponents of Western Tantric Sex. That kind of sex might just get you out of your negative thinking and into the present. It might actually make you healthier, wiser and more resilient. What if we might have to play our own music while engaging in a love position from the Tantric or Cama Sutra manuals while eating organic delicacies from our own garden and smoking homegrown from our hookah?

What if we actually had time to pay attention to our children and take joy in helping them learn and (shriek) play with them outside in the dirt of the garden. What a concept that would be – to actually spend time with and get to know your family.

Back to Tantric Sex - It’s got all the right components for these times. It produces oxytocin (bonding), pheromone transmission, dopamine (cheap highs), balance (lots of different good chemicals), inner knowing, harmonious relating (stress-busting neurochemicals), newness in love relationships (avoids stress of divorce, cheating and adds a lot more playful fun) and basically, it’s FREE. Consciousness PLUS love is what’s called for and needed in our coming future.

Why Does Surprising Your Partner Trigger So Much Pleasure?

Novelty increases the amount of the neurotransmitter dopamine available to the blood stream and brain. Dopamine is associated with the parts of the brain that involve pleasure and rewards. When we meet a new person and fall in love serotonin levels are suppressed and Dopamine levels are increased. Love is new. It’s exciting. It’s intense and it propels the lovers to do things to win their new, potential lover/partner. It’s a feedback system.

This same feedback system can be employed to re-create intensity in a longer-term partnership. It can be used consciously to up the ante. But, caution is required too because the unconscious drive to keep upping the ante can cause problems. Dopamine is kind of addictive. There is the possibility that trying to hold on to the intensity will drive one or both of the couple to seek adventures that are outside the boundaries of the other.

We’re living in a intensity driven society. This may be why we are seeing an increase in things like threesomes, swinging, polyamory, BDSM, cheating and other behaviors. The desire for creating new, hot, and deeper connections may also lead the other direction to the recent interest in Tantric sex and the arts of the Cama Sutra.

Exciting new behaviors, practices, positions and other creative bedroom endeavors take very little thought and can add a lot to a long-term relationship. Some of the things you can try are making love in some place other than the bedroom, changing your bedroom to seem like another place, using blindfolds, restraints and pleasure-inducing items (think velvet, makeup brushes, silk, satin, rose petals, feathers) to treat your erotic skin with new sensations. Dress-up in something you usually wouldn’t, undress your partner to a slow, sexy favorite piece of music, learn a new sexual trick and try it out, wear a wig or high heals or both, have sex with your sexy underwear on, play with each other, under your napkins, during a dinner at a sexy restaurant or do a strip-tease for your lover. Just Get wild.